Sep

Sunohara’s Six Steps to Sexy Success

What’s up my babies. As I promised last week, I’m back with an extra special edition of Dear Sunohara. As you know, I’m one popular, sexy, eros king of love. And over the past two month’s I’ve been getting on average 16 emails a week asking for my advice on all matters, love, sex and relationships. And half these emails are usually along the lines of…. “I can’t seem to talk girls / guys” or “I’m too shy to talk to girls / guys / futanari I like”.

So for all you with this predicament, I’ve created a fool proof action plan that is guaranteed to increase your dating game. I call it Sunohara’s Six Steps to Sexy Success.

So here you are my fans…. You can thank me later….with money.

Just look at the Success Sunohara has had with the Ladies

Step 1: Get Physical

The first step in my plan is the most important if you want to have some great sexy times. It all starts why your physical appearance. Listen I know this may not be very politically correct - but that hasn’t stopped me before, after all your talking to the guy with a imouto-complex. But its true - the dating game is like the produce dept of a grocery store. People always buy the fruit that looks the freshest and healthiest. People don’t buy rotten bananas, they by the near ripened, firm and bruised-free banana.

So what does this mean to you? It means look your best - get in shape if your chunky, get a haircut if it’s shaggy, put on some make up to cover up those imperfections. Whatever - it doesn’t matter what it is, just do what it takes to look your best. So next time you’re buying lunch, put down that triple angus beef burger and get a salad or sushi. And I don’t want to hear that it can’t be done. Some of you may not be aware but I used to be 30 pounds heavier than I am now, and I was able to shed that weight over the course of year. What’s my secret… masturbation and lots of it.

Look how sexy Sunohara become after basketball and masturbation

Step 2: Shower

No this may seem like a no brainer, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to an Anime Con and the Body Order has nearly made me vomit on someone. I can’t stress the importance of good hygiene enough. Remember you’re basically an asparagus in the produce dept of love. If you smell, no one is going to take you home and cook you up. So make a commitment to shower, brush, floss and etc everyday. Spend a few bucks and buy some decent cologne / perfume and dab it on before you leave the house - notice I said dab - don’t freaking shower it. And don’t go putting on more than one scent - you’re not the fragrance dept of Sears.

Sunohara Says: “Smell like you’ve just stepped out of an Irish Spring commercial”

Step 3: Upgrade

So you’ve shed some pounds and increased your showering frequency from once a week to every other day. That’s good, but it will do you no good if u still walk around in camouflage pants and a Nauruto headband. So you have to change your wardrobe. I’m not saying you have to go spend $1000 at Banana Republic or something - after all those people are communist. But it does mean looking the part. What it comes down to is that when you look good, you feel good and that will boost your confidence. So go to Target, Hot-topic, Old-Navy or whatever and spend a little cash and buy some new clothes.

Step 4: Grab some Confidence

Now this is a step that you’ll have to figure out on your own how to do…what you want me to spell it all out for you? Fine fine… lazy westerners. You see how many fine ladies that I get on CLANNAD right? Well what do you think they are all attracted by? Yes I know that I’m drop dead sexy and that sure helps. But it’s all about my attitude and specifically my confidence. Think about it, without being confident how could I deliver my spectacular pickup lines? Pick up lines such as “Can I borrow your breasts?” and “You smell great, but you’d smell even better with a little Sunohara on you.” Confidence my babies - don’t leave home without it.

So how can you build up your confidence? Self help books, DVDs or hire some to follow you around and tell you how awesome you are throughout the day. These are all ways to boost it, but here is the genius of my plan - if you follow steps 1 to 3, then by the time you get here to step 4 your confidence will already have been boosted. Admit it… I’m good aren’t i? Brains, looks and dripping of sex - is there anything I don’t have?

Just look at the success Sunohara has had with his pickup lines

Step 5: Get out there

Listen you can’t talk to girls / guys or get a date if you don’t put yourself out there. That means doing things like joining after school clubs, attending social events on campus and going to party’s. Do what it takes to get out there are meet people and the more people you meet, the more dating possibilities.

Now for the more timid among there is another options, but first come to Japan so I can slap some sense in you. How the hell can you be still be timid after following steps 1 - 4? Anyways for you hikikomori out there, there is always e-Harmony and other online dating sites out there. But you should know that there are a lot of perv’s and 40 year old woman pretending to be in their 20’s on these sites. But that’s the risk your gonna take if your too scared to meet people in real life.

Step 6: Man-up / Woman-up

Okay so you’ve followed steps 1-5 and your feeling good about yourself and meeting people. Now it’s time to seal the deal. If you meet someone you like or have known someone you like for a while - it’s time to step up and ask them out on a date. How should you do that? Well if you’re a pro you could use many different pickup lines like the classic “MMMmmm …. Your breast smell nice, how about a date?” - but since your just getting started just say “Hey, I’d like to get you know a little better, how about we grab dinner some time?” Then grab the phone number and your good to go. Easy wasn’t it? And what’s the worse that can happen really? The person says no? Big deal - It’s not like you in any worse of position than you were before. Besides do you know how many times Tomoyo turned me down before she fell madly in love with m? 14 times - apparently she was under the impression I was some kind of perv. I wonder where she got that from?